My last newsletter was about the power of attachments as they mostly pertain to our partners.
This month, I want to stay on that course and talk about the Power of our Posses; how and why our best friends sustain us and define who we are.
By this stage of our lives, it’s no secret that we don’t get the chance to choose our families. We are thrown together like a deck of cards air borne, and where they land is where they stay, for better or for worse.
We slog it out over the years in therapy trying to understand what was it about us that was so unacceptable to warrant being ‘thrown off the bus?’ What egregious things did we do that made us so
un-lovable. What crimes did we commit that could not now be healed?
The scars of those early years have taken up a permanent residence in our psyche, and have impacted the ways we have moved through our worlds. What is blue, we see as green; what we think is large is actually small; what sounds like rejection is actually boundary setting.
Growing up with siblings is a different world entirely than being a single child. Our order of birth becomes a contributing factor. Being a twin can make it even more complicated. It becomes all about power; who has it, who wants it. The constant jockeying for parental affection and sibling approval can be a life long chase. But, in this contest, there is no winner, no end even after death. The illusion of finally getting the ‘prize’ is only that; an illusion.
In that chase, often the price we pay is the sacrifice of who we are authentically, trying to adapt to the signals relayed back by our parents who are dysfunctional and our siblings who resent the competition.
Thank God for friends.
As I look back at the odd assortment of people I have collected over my lifetime, they all in their own ways mirrored back a piece of who I was at that time. And some of them after all these years, have with stood the test of time, like a good pair of hiking boots. They have evolved as I have, and those who did not, moved on to other watering holes.
When I was 16, my Mother invited 3 of my friends to go see Peter, Paul and Mary in concert. Everyone was so uncomfortable, and although I was friendly with these girls, only one I was close to.
44 years later, looking at the guest list for my 60th birthday, I had 20 women to invite all of whom I considered good friends and people I could count upon. All who liked me for me…I was proud of the fact that over the years as I learned about who I was, I engendered affection for my best innate qualities…being nurturing, generous, inclusive, reliable, having consideration and, not the least, humor.And, they have the same cores values of openness, nurturing, accountability and ethics. Traits not entirely consistent with my upbringing. I grew up in a world of secrets; openness was antithetical to my parents.
My friends have taught me many lessons over the years through modeling their patience and tolerance, two traits I still sometimes struggle with. The biggest lesson however has been trust; how to let go of trying to control the outcome when expressing needs and wants. That is the cornerstone of intimacy. Something I did not grow up with, so it is a learned adult behavior. But, I’ve mastered it now and when I look back to my 16th birthday, how different that dinner and concert could have been if only I had been authentic and trusting.
Book:
This Month’s Reading is: “The Power Of Nice” by Linda Kaplan and Robin Koval, two women who started their advertising firm in a second bedroom and now their sales have hit past 1 billion dollars. Think ALFAC, think them. Remember KODAK Moments, think them.
Herbal Essence Shampoo…them again. Their premise is: You can be successful in business by actually being nice. Being respectful and considerate goes a long, long way; being the opposite can actually cost you clients. Arrogance is just fear on steroids.
My Workshops
They are starting up again in the Century City area. Last year they from June to December in Santa Monica. They are $150 for 5 sessions and limited to six women only. Contact me @ pegi@thefinancialwhisperer.com for more information.
I am Pegi Burdick, your Financial Whisperer. I help prevent people from falling over the financial edge by examining how they allow their emotions to manage their money.
Join me in a workshop, private telephone sessions, or simply within my blog community;you will go beyond knowing what is possible.
Learn how to move forth into a journey of self awareness, that will reclaim your true self, your true power.
