| 1. Have you ever experienced shame around money?
If the answer is YES – Think about this: Shame is a learned response taught to us as infants, and gets attached to various vehicles like money, food, sex, and our bodies. As we mature, we tend to respond in the identical manner taught to us when we were children. Shame was used as a controlling device, by our parents, siblings, or caregivers so that we did not embarrass, conflict, and alter the image our caregivers wanted to preserve. Think where your shame came from originally.
2. When you got angry as a child, did your parents punish you or comfort you?
Most parents get uncomfortable when they hear their child express anger and instead of trying to focus on why the child is upset, they either will mock the child, punish the child by sending her to her room, or yell or hit her. Or worse, they’ll ignore her. The message the child receives from all of these responses is: Your needs are not important to me now (or ever), go away, you’ve made me unhappy. Have you internalized this message of “your needs are not important?”
3. Do you ever feel at times you need permission to take care of yourself?
For most women, nurturing themselves is at the bottom of the ‘to-do’ list. Why? Because we have been the nest-tenders; our kids come home from school expecting to see snacks in the cupboard, our husbands come home expecting dinner, and the dog looks up at us with crossed legs because he needs to go for a walk. We lack natural boundaries, the feeling that we can say “no,” and a sense of our own entitlement. Do you feel that you don’t have permission to take care of your own needs? |
