It’s Time to Discuss Financial Double Standards
Breaking through financial secrets and resentment in your relationship.
How often do you "turn the other cheek" only to find yourself in the same situation later-a situation that results in anger which you then suppress?
How often do you witness your husband spending money on "toys" for him and then complaining that the orthodontist for your 11-year-old is too expensive?
How often does your husband "loan" money to his "can't-hold-a-job brother" and then complain to you that the $250 shoes you bought are too expensive?
Do you purchase things and then hide them when you get home?
Does your husband fuss over the lights being left on when you leave the room but then he "forgets" to bring the grocery bags to the store and has to pay an additional 10 cents per bag?
What holds our voices silent? Fear.
Fear of rejection, fear of losing control, fear that unpleasant or hurtful things might be said…and not be taken back. Fear that our shameful feelings might get exposed...and then what? Fear to be seen as we are, authentically.
What you fear will control you.
If you are not talking openly about money, there are probably other things that are being avoided that then add to the widening distance between you and your spouse. That may explain why sometimes instead of a vitality, there is deadness.
All relationships, regardless of the nature, at some point come down to trust; a lack of trust indicates a lack of intimacy. This could be between siblings, parents and their children, as well as couples.
There is no upside to hiding challenging conversations from your partner. Money is the number one reason for divorce; it always will surface at some point and in the meanwhile, will appear in symbols and metaphors, confusing everyone.
Start talking, start living fully. If you're struggling to untangle your emotions from your money, remember: It's never about the money…even when it is!